Moments...

“I can’t wait to touch a dolphin, Mommy!”  He says looking up at me.  “Me too, buddy.” I smile and say back to him as we all headed to Florida to celebrate my daughter’s 11^th birthday. 

 

Touching dolphins, feeding them, training them and of course- getting splashed by them – was amazing.  We all had the best time.  

After our experience was over we decided to check out the rest of the park.  

The kids notice this jungle gym looking thing and my first reaction to it was…NOPE!  But they really wanted to go in it and so I caved.  I never let them do these kinds of things.  I hate those play things in certain “fast food” chains. But I caved because this thing was kinda cool looking and it was a lot of rope climbing, etc.

They went running ahead of us towards it.  

They climb to the first level and decide to slide down.  My daughter, we thought was the first one down.  We're waiting for Little Man.  He’s not coming.  I bend over and look up into the slides but he’s not in any of them.  Where is he?  I start scanning the crowd of kids and it’s like all of this is in slow motion.  I look at my husband with fear in my eyes and he goes up to see where he is.  I’m looking at all the little people around me and yelling his name.  I can’t find him and immediately - I panic.  I feel like I stop breathing as I’m screaming for my son.  I stay at the bottom of the slide because I’m afraid to move in case he comes back to the slide.  My daughter starts crying because she’s afraid now. Where is he and why is he not running back.  I know I am screaming loud – why can’t he hear me?  But this place has kids running around screaming with laughter. My screams feel like they aren’t loud enough. My eyes are scanning the crowd constantly – but no red headed little boy is in sight.  I scream his name again and I think for a moment that I hear him.  Did I just hear him yell, “Mommy!” I think it was my boy but I can’t find him.

Finally, I see a boy running…he has red hair and he is running to his daddy and jumping in his arms.  It’s him!  It’s my boy!  I finally move (with his sister in my hand) and immediately say, “Thank you, God!” Was it two minutes, five minutes, or more…I can’t tell you but it was the longest fearful moments I’ve ever had with him.  

 I grab him from my husband and hold onto him with all the Mother’s love I can give…because I’m never letting him go. 

He was the first one down the slide and once his feet hit the bottom – he took off to do more of the jungle gym because he was so excited. 

So many things went through my head after that.  The fear that ran through me.  The what ifs in my head.  The immediate panic.  It took everything I had to turn my mood back around to the feeling we all had after the dolphins.  

I kept repeating in my head, thank you God for my son.  And then I just started listing out all the things I was thankful for with him.  His red hair.  His “old soul.” His blue eyes.  The way that one hair curls on the back of his head.  His hand in mine.  The way he likes to take my hair and stick it in his ear.  Yes- I’m so thankful for that.  

"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name."
~Ps. 100:4

My mood shifts…because the antidote is in the retina.  The things I am seeing and thanking God for...change my feelings inside of me.  

Moments.  That’s all this life is.

  

We make our way to a roller coaster…we stand in line and I’m still rolling off thanks in my head.  It’s our turn next on the ride and we sit down in our seats…pull the lap bar down and wait for the thumbs up.  The ride begins to move and we make our way to the top of the coaster...and I'm still listing my thanks in my head.  As soon as we begin to go downhill at mach speed we all begin to laugh.  Laughter is pure medicine. 

"He will yet fill your mouth with laughter
    and your lips with shouts of joy." ~Job 8:21

I could stress over what could have been or make up crazy stuff in my head…because believe me, I can do that.  Or I can give thanks, breathe, laugh, hunt for the beauty in it all and trust.  Trust that He has it all.  Will I ever learn to just trust?  Moment by moment…listing the blessings - I begin to feel it. The antidote is in the retina - give thanks and begin to feel joy.

  

“Who would ever know the greater graces of comfort and perseverance, mercy, and forgiveness, patience and courage, if no shadows fell over a life?”
~Ann Voskamp