Time to EXHALE { Day 191 }

As the world and sky begin to wake…there is my coffee with God and time to exhale the chaos of a Monday to come.  Today, Monday, we are having our windows replaced…ALL OF THEM.  So all day we will have 6 guys tearing out the old and putting in the new.  

For whatever reason – this brings a lot of tension and anxiety to me.  I discovered throughout the day that I did not handle it very well and I know this because my hubby confirmed it.  I’m not a perfectionist by any means but I do have MY way of doing things.  When all the windows were torn out it was almost like everything was exposed.  They have taken control of my home and are doing things to it that I don’t like.  Dust and wood pieces are flying everywhere.  Insulation is all over the place and bugs are trying to fly in.  It made me think of how my “old self” was and how my “new self”…with Jesus is.  

As the tearing and popping noises increase…I begin to rub my neck and my back.  My body temperature goes up about 5 degrees and I head to the basement where the kids are.  It’s cool down there and they are having fun.  I wasn’t planning on the lack of control feeling and it got worse when I heard the toilet flush upstairs.  I thought, “NO…not the kids bathroom!”  Maybe not the way Jesus would have handled that situation BUT - I wasn’t prepared for 6 strange men to use whatever bathroom they pleased.  I kept thinking – not a problem…you can clean it – with bleach and wash all the towels.  It’s okay.  It’ll be okay.  Breathe!

 

My old self was a hot mess….I’m still a mess. My old self would do things that the world suggested I do.  I lived for me!  But that would never make me feel good…maybe for the moment but regret would usually follow.  Then I would search for something else to make me feel good and the cycle would continue over and over again but nothing would ever satisfy me or bring me peace. 

“Peace is a belief that exhales.  Because you believe that God’s provision is everywhere – like air.”  ~Ann Voskamp

  

I’m not perfect and that is okay.  Jesus didn’t ask me to be perfect.  He knew that strange men in my children’s bathroom would freak me out a bit.  He did ask me; however, to give up my life to Him.  And because I knew my feelings and thoughts were not what He would have thought…I felt bad.  I live for Him now and not just myself.

My new self is like the beautiful new windows being put in my home.  They are clean and shiny and beautiful.  They will still get dirty and smudged but I can wipe that away…just like Jesus wipes away my yuck.  He wipes it all away and forgets about it.  Grace…lavish grace. 

  

“For from His fullness we have all received grace upon grace.” John 1:16

So I think about my coffee with God just a few short hours ago and how quickly my attitude changed to an unpleasant one.  Will I ever learn? 

Grace.

Thanksgiving…give thanks in EVERYTHING and EXHALE.

“If you don’t give yourself room to breathe,
you won’t give God room to move.”
~Randy Alcorn